Lost In Translations

Direct translations of languages never really works, does it? Translating Korean directly into English will often give you linguistical gems such as "I went to your house, but you did not exist" or "My thought is go is needed." Of course, there's always some bias on the part of the translator, but here's one I didn't come up with: the following is a Google-supplied translation of my last weeks Korean blog entry. Enjoy!


"Last week's good for me. But the more I try to study a lot of time during the American Philosophy. Amazing, thought ¼ Korea now know enough, you can write a diary?

These days, students are really good for me. These days, fewer classes. Classes usually thought ¼ ¼ 10:08 feel good. Students who do not have English books and magazines read to the Korean people. The Korean practice, but also very hard on me.

Next weekend, "Hallowe'en"? Our party, "P-Club" to be going. Jeollanam province so many people all impressed me. Going to be.

Because today's students for the exam again, not lessons. I think, "Hockey" to go? Goodbye to you."


If that wasn't enough for you, here's what Babel Fish's online translator had to say:


"It was good at the last week. During hour Korean end it studied plentifully, compared to it does. Like that unit, now a possibility of writing Korea which is sufficient it knows in body thought and lost chance there is.

The recent students truth were good. Also the recent study writes. When being study to body thought, the usual body feeling is good. When being the students, there is a Korean book or an English magazine Ilg possibility. Also Korea does practice but quite eagerly.

"Percentage le above nu" it is to the next weekend. Our green onion mote the "P-Club" it will be, well! the example bedspread. From the person all total nudity south door it comes plentifully. There will be a fun, well! the example bedspread.

Student wild examination today again there is not study because of description below. "It sees an empty height" in my thought the song. Goodbye."


Somehow my phonetic spelling of the word "hockey" translates into "It sees an empty height" while "Hallowe'en" becomes "Percentage le above nu." Too funny.

Working Hard or Hardly Working?

I don't think I've ever been directly affected by the strength of the Canadian currency, but right now the high dollar is killing me. Back in January, every 1000 won I made translated into $1.25 Canadian, which translated into a pretty decent paycheque every month. Now, it's down to $1.05 Canadian, and I've been missing out on several hundred dollars over the last while. I could look at things differently and note that perhaps I should be thankful to have gotten such a good rate back in January and think of that as extra money earned, but with the Korean dollar sitting at more than a 5 year low to the Canadian, I've been thinking of ways to start new rumours of Quebec once again looking to secede from Canada. If only I had that kind of international influence.

I don't know what's been up with my school this past month, but I think I've taught less than half of my scheduled classes. Yesterday I taught for only 2 1/2 of my 8 hours at school. I actually snuck out early, only a little after 4, since it's getting to be quite a bore sitting at the computer all day with nothing to do. So far today,3 o my 4 classes have not shown up, and I'm thinking that I should again slip out early. It's tough to do though, sine every student in the school is an inadvertent watch-dog, alerting people to your presence. The moment they see me, they blurt out a barrage of "hello" "hi" "how are you" and other English phrases so that everyone within ear shot knows I must be walking down the hall.

When it comes to days like this, where I've got nothing to do and I'm ready to go home, I end up moving out of the school in the most ridiculous of stealthy fashions. Sometimes I'll go out of my way to use the far washroom, then grab my shoes on the way back to my classroom so I can slip out the door. On days when the teachers are playing volleyball and I don't want to be "asked" to join, I'll try and make sure no one is near the front office before I dart across the hallway to the shoe closet, hoping no one saw me and won't come running down the hallway calling "Ree-cha-duh! Ree-cha-duh!"

The school year though has been going really well. I know the materials I'm teaching much better now, I'm able to better cope with wild students and classrooms, and I feel more in control of things. My big problem now is one of personal motivation. Now that I've crossed the hump from being a "really bad" teacher into the position of "OK" to "pretty good" teacher, there's been no motivation to improve more. There is no grading or review process set up for me, no one notices the difference when I spend 2 minutes or 2 hours preparing for a lesson, and and with nearly half my classes not happening lately, sometimes I find myself not even knowing who I'm supposed to be teaching. My two best classes, the ones that come on time and whose teachers help things run smoothly, I'm usually good at putting together something stimulating for them. Otherwise, I'm inching closer and closer towards the bare minimum.

It's 12:35 now, and I don't teach again until 3:30. Since it looks like there's some kind of school-wide activity happening today, and since it's Friday, I imagine 75% of my 3:30 class won't arrive until nearly 4:00.

Yep, I'm definitely earning all of my pay today.

My Slow Crawl Towards Bilingualism

Here's my attempt at a Koran blog entry. The translation is down below, so you can see how well I'm doing. For any Korean readers (do I have any out there?) I apologize for my many likely mistakes and spelling errors.


지난 주에 좋았어요. 많이 시간 동안 한국말 공부했지만 더 하려고 했어요. 그런대, 체 생각에 지금 충분한 한국 알고 일기 쓸 수 있어요.

요즘 학생들이 정말 좋았어요. 요즘 수업도 적어요. 체 생각에 수업 없을때 보통 체 기분이 좋아요. 학생들이 없을 때 한국 책이나 영어 잡지 읽 수 있어요. 한국도 연습하지만 아주 열심히 해요.

다음 주말에 "할러위느" 있어요. 우리 파티를 “P-크럽"에 있을 거예요. 많이 사람 모두 전라남도어서 오려고 해요. 재미있을 거예요.

학생들 시험를 하기때문에 오늘 다시 수업 없어요. 제 생각에 "허키"를 보러 가요. 안녕히 가세요.


Last week was good. I studied Korea for lots of time, but I had hoped to study even more. However, I think I’ve studied enough that now I can write my journal in Korean.

The students have been very good these days. I’ve also had few classes these days. I think when I don’t have class, I usually feel good. When the students don’t come, I can read my Korean books or English magazines. I also study Korea, but it’s quite hard.

Next weekend is Hallowe’en. We’re going to have a party at P-Club. People are going to come from all Jeollanamdo province are going to come. It’s going to be fun.

I don’t have class again today because the students have tests. I think I’m going to go watch hockey. Goodbye!

With Game in Hand and Towel on Face

There's a stigma that goes with being Asian, that Asians must be more inclined to use computers, be technically adept and play video games with a fervor not found in most other countries. Well, I'm not entirely sure about the computer knowledge or technical skills, but I can confidently say Koreans love love love their computer games. Video game systems like Xbox and Nintendo haven't caught on quite as strongly, but computer games have the people here wound up like a heroin epidemic could. The country is covered with PC rooms, shops that for a dollar an hour will let you play games online against the world. People spend hours doing this, the kids are obsessed, and CNN even did a brief special on it last week looking at how people get so addicted.

Being a pro-gamer in Korea is even a viable option for some of these guys, though it seems about as likely as young Canadian boys making a living playing major league baseball. Still, they're out there, Koreans who, for a living, play video games. And how the heck do people make money doing that? Well, besides tournaments, which there are plenty of it seems, there are two dedicated channels showing nothing but pro-gamers play against each other. For those with a small amount of video game knowledge, Starcraft is the game of choice. At any hour of the day, one of the two channels will be showing two guys duke it out in this decade old combat simulation game, and this is what the kids look up to. The CNN special showed a man, at least mid to late 30's, who spent all his free time at the PC rooms playing games. His wife and kids would come visit him there! A few years ago someone died after playing non-stop for 60 hours! The first thing my students learned to say when I start teaching them how to answer "what did you do yesterday?" is "play computer games." Our little north american wiener zombie nintendo kids have nothing on these guys.

I try my best to bring up some of the kooky things that happen in daily life in Korea, and there's been one I think I've sadly left out for a long time. Have I ever written about getting my hair cut yet? Well, that generally turns out just fine, though they did give me a wicked mullet one time. No, what's really bizarre is when they wash your hair. The word for hair in Korean is translated as "head sticks", which makes me laugh every time I think about it, and as the woman washes my head sticks, I usually end up with a giant grin on my face. You see, they throw a towel over your face while washing your hair. It's the strangest thing, since I think it's only there so either you can't see up the ladies shirt or so you just can't make eye contact with her at all. She could also be trying to avoid water splashing in my face, but the towel used is so small it really wouldn't stop much water at all. The last time I had my hair cut, the phone rang (which is so important in Korea it could pull a doctor away while delivering a baby), and I was left sitting alone in a sink with a towel over my face for nearly two minutes.

Today seems to be another random day of no classes. Shannon's already emailed me letting me know she's got nothing to do all day and was never told about it, and now it's getting on 12 o'clock and I still haven't had anyone show up for class.

Shannon and I have been toying with the idea of getting our dog a cat. We don't think we'll actually go through with it, since we don't need the burden of another pet to take care of, but our dog has some serious abandonment issues, and cries for hours when we leave, and will shove his kennel all around the living room. Having someone else to hang out with would probably do wonders for calming his nerves, and the idea of getting our pet a pet is hilarious, but given the reality of our situation, it's not something that's ever going to happen. One stray creature taking over our house is enough. If only we could trust the local Korean kids when it came to babysitting.

Gym Bunnies

Of all the blogs I've written, this is the one where I need visual aids the most. I'll do my best to describe this, but I think the scope and humour in all of this will never really be understood until you can see it with your own eyes.

I've been going to the gym quite regularly these days, which I'm very proud of indeed. The gym I go to is your typical Korean gym, with the music pumped way too loud and with the staff on hand to correct and change every exercise you do whether it's being done correctly or not. All the treadmills have TV's as well, which is no big deal, except instead of headphones for each person, they just blast the volume up high, filling most of the gym with a nasty cacophony of noise. Things get even louder when the aerobics class starts, though when those aerobics ladies stroll into the room, the music is the last thing I'm ever thinking of.

Watching these women do their thing is like watching a choreographed train wreck. The women, who aren't necessarily in bad shape, wear the most ridiculously loud, eccentric outfits I've ever seen that makes even the most attractive of them look absurd. They wear a mix of spandex, pleather, some kind of plastic-like material, more spandex, the occasional smattering of fish-net, poofy skirts, and I think one lady even wears velvet. It usually starts with the boots, which are a hybrid of knee-high boots and leg warmers. These aren't normally too bad, and some of the younger girls manage to pull it off, but then you get these bright skirts and strange low-cut bikini bottom things that would have trouble being justified in any fashion setting. Some ladies go for the pants, which they usually wear way too tight, and are made of some plastic-like material probably to induce more sweating. One lady wore bell-bottoms so large she could have hid small children around her ankles.

When the class starts, I'm sure it's not too different from any other aerobics class, though I've never seen one until now. The music cranks up just enough to make your ears bleed, the head girl goes to the front, and they go-go-go-go for 20 or 30 minutes straight. There's no instruction, just follow along with new people at the back, and those who know the routine at the front. Every time they do their thing, I take a pause, watch until I think I'm making them uncomfortable, watch for a few seconds longer, then continue to find myself glancing over until one of us finally finishes and leaves.

Things have been quite quiet these days. Shannon and I have settled down nicely into the second year in Korea, the routine at school is in full swing, and nothing too out of the ordinary is taking place. These last two weeks have been super quiet at school, with nearly half my classes canceled, and I'm setting new personal records for time spent doing nothing. I'm actually getting pretty good at studying Korea, and I can express myself in ways like "I'm planning to..." and "I think that..." which I'm pretty proud of. I still don't understand 99% of what Korean's say to me, and my students still howl with laughter anytime I say something in Korean to them, but I'm turning more heads now when I try and speak with locals.

It's 12:40 now, and I'm done for the day. I'm leaving at 3, but that's still over two hours of just waiting. Maybe I should pick up a new hobby, like knitting or building matchstick houses. Hmmm, maybe I'll see if the news headlines have changed in the last 10 minutes.

Excessive Precautionary Measures

I've mentioned at least a few times now how Koreans seem to be quite adept at breaking themselves. I'm constantly finding locals suited up with various casts on their limbs, in what I had always assumed meant broken wrists, arms, legs and ankles. Well, I've just recently had a revelation on the subject, as I am now one of the walking stories behind why so many people are bound and casted.


I do not have any broken bones. Well, it's possible I might have a tiny issue with my thumb, but going over the X-rays with my doctor left him believing it was just a bad sprain, and I am fairly confident he's correct. That's right, just a sprain, and to make sure I'm OK I've been given a full wrist cast. The injury itself was a pretty moronic thing for me to have done, but then again isn't it often that way? My two most devastating injuries came from snowboarding (legitimately dangerous) and a hammock. This time it was a punching bag arcade game, where you throw in a few cents and see how hard you can punch the target. Well, hanging out with other guys, a little macho-ism and a few drinks are a recipe for disaster, and while I can use my thumb pretty good already in spite of the injury, I suppose the pain and awkwardness of having a cast is something I deserve. And if nothing else, my arm can serve to promulgate the degree to which medicine and treatment is handed out in Korea.

For anyone interested in how the cast itself works here, they have some strange "casting paper" stuff that wraps around your hand, is squeezed and held in place, then BAM! you've got a rock hard cast on. No water, no wet bandage wrapping or fiberglassing, just a little cutting to size and wrap it on. Maybe this isn't all that new, but it's been a long time since I've been in a cast. Still, it's a mystery to me as to why this fancy cast is so necessary when a little thumb splint would have done the job. Maybe the advanced Korean medical technology thought aluminum and tape just weren't "cool" enough to keep using.

The Four Seasons

There's a running gag here in Korea about Korea's four distinct seasons. It's not so much that there's anything funny about the actual seasons here, but that Korean's are always so surprised to hear that other countries also have four distinct seasons. I haven't been able to figure out what's so surprising about this - whether they think it's always winter in Canada, or that maybe other countries skip spring and autumn and just hop straight from summer to winter - but I've been told many times now about the four seasons Korea has, and then been given a look of surprise when I mention that Canada also has four seasons too.

I think yesterday was the official start of fall here. The Koreans seem to go on weather more than the calendar dates when it comes to changing seasons, and right now it seems to make sense. Autumn came down like a hammer this week, dropping leaves on the trees, bringing in that crisp morning air, and over the span of 72 hours it's gone from t-shirt weather to jackets. Obviously it's not the magical weather pixies of Korea sitting in the sky saying "BAM! It's autumn today!" but I'm curious to see if there will be much of a temperature bounce back over the next few days and weeks.

My classes have all been canceled for the next two days, so there'll be lots of computer sitting and Korean studying for a while. I've instituted a new discipline measure in my class lately, the "three stars" method. It works great for well behaved classes and OK for the wild kids. Basically when they do something that's too much for me to handle, I take down a star. Lose all three stars, and it's garbage cleaning and sitting quietly time. Keep all three, and after X weeks, you get a movie day. Well, my one nasty class lost all their stars within 10 minutes. No problem, I figure, we'll just sit quietly for the last 2 minutes of class. That's it, just two minutes they have to be quiet for. Of course, they were completely incapable of it, and we spent 27 minutes together over lunch while I waited for them to calm down. There's not much else I can do to them in terms of discipline, but there homeroom teacher sure was able to whip them into shape for missing lunch. They're slightly better now.

The round the world trip is coming together nicely right now. I've found a great website for planning trips like this. Check out http://www.airtreks.com/index.html and look at the trip planner. Right now we're looking at a trip that goes

Calgary - London - Stockholm - Moscow or Frankfurt - Johannesburg or Nairobi-Cairo - Bombay - Kuala Lumpur - Jakarta-Bangkok - Lima - Calgary. We can't book for another few months, so it may change. Still, all this comes it at under $5000 since we're traveling during non-peak periods.

All right, I should get going. I've got nothing to do for the next 6 hours, so I think I'll try and study some Korea. Annyonghi Kaseyo (go well)!