You Know You're Korean When:

This is a list of things that identify you as being Korean. I'm not sure who put it all together, but I trimmed it down and changed a bit to make it more resemble the experience I've had in the past 14 months here.


You know you're Korean When:

You're 12-years old and you don't go home until 10 pm.

You're unmarried at 25 so you have to be home by ten.

You stare like a deer blinded in headlights at anyone different than you.

You attempt to go into the subway or elevator before the people get
out.

If you aren't chewing and slurping your food at a loud volume then
you obviously aren't enjoying it.

You "slightly disregard" traffic rules. Like stopping at crosswalks
or red lights.

You go home and everything smells bad (but not to you).

You think having 4 seasons is really special.

You describe any girl over 110 pounds as "fat."

You drive out of blind alleys at 60 km/h.

You're an "expert" at making ramyen (instant) noodles.

You try the doorknob instead of ringing the doorbell or knocking
first.

You eat more off your friend's plate than your own.

You answer the phone with a loud warbling
Wieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee????????

Your favorite teacher is the one that beats you the hardest.

You think you look quite dignified while drinking
your shooter of 2 cent booze after noisily slurping octopus.

You're comfortable using a small hole in the ground for a toilet, and think hocking a loogie at the same time is a good way to multi-task.

You jump out of the shower at the local gym and stand naked in front
of the mirror blow drying your family jewels.

You grab the communal toothbrush at the gym and take it into the
shower with you.

Even though you weigh 120 you have to try and out bench the 190
pound guy, because he's a foreigner.

You think that your mom's kimchi can cure your grandma's halitosis
and your grandpa's cancer.

Your cell phone has more than 20 pictures stored on it... of
yourself.

There's more toilet paper in your dining room than your bathroom.

You believe that flushing toilet paper down the toilet will clog up
the plumbing, so instead you throw all your used paper in a bin next to the
toilet.

You are no longer bothered by the old Korean lady shoving a
mop between your legs as you stand at the urinal.

You view the handicapped-ramped crosswalks as a perfect place to
park your car into at an angle. Pedestrians and handicapped people be
damned - you need to park.

You hang a plastic glove filled with water in the window because you
believe mosquitoes and flies are scared of their reflection.

You assume all thin blonde women are Russian prostitutes.

You open all of your windows in the middle of winter and crank up
the heat.

You're standing in the shower at the Sauna and offer to scrub a
total stranger's back.

You don't think it's at all weird to share a hot tub butt naked with
a grandfather and his two grandsons.

You open the window a crack when your fan is running, still afraid you might somehow be killed by the fan while you sleep.

You dial a wrong number, and then yell at the person on the other
end of the line for not being the person you were trying to call. You hang up
on them in a huff... and then hit redial.

You do exactly what your boss tells you to do, no matter how stupid
and idiotic.

You would never dream of asking to get paid extra for the overtime you
work.

You feel well rewarded for all your long hours and sacrifice if you get
taken out for BBQ and some Noraebong (karaoke) twice a year.

You sleep under a piece of oversized gauze and call it a sheet.

You put sweet potato on pizza.

You think picking your teeth or nose in public isn't polite... unless
you oh-so discreetly do it with one hand covering up the activity.

You push, claw, and elbow your way to position yourself to be the
first to exit the subway car, and then right after you exit, you walk at a
snail's pace.

You go on a nice beach vacation, where you sit under the beautiful
shade of your huge umbrella fully clothed, wearing a Darth Vader visor,
covered in sun tan lotion, refusing to go near the water.

You eat dog because it supposedly gives your four thrusts instead of
three.

After going to the washroom, you wash your hands for 1 second under
ice cold water and dry them in your hair.

You open up a new business with an arch of balloons and two dancing
girls.

You proudly adorn your new business with a sign that reads:
"SINCE 2005"

You close the business two years later after realizing there were
already ten identical businesses on the same block.

You would rather park on the sidewalk than the huge parking lot a few feet away.

You drive for 5 hours to spend 30 minutes at some over crowded
tourist trap.

You ask the foreigner next to you if he can use chopsticks while he
is comfortably eating with chopsticks.

You deny that Koreans still eat dog, after the foreigner next to you
has just said, "Last night I went out for dog with some Korean friends, it
was better than I thought it would be!"

You think eating eel will give you a hard-on, but eating bean
sprouts will make you lose it. The reasoning behind both is: "the
shape".

You correct the pronunciation of the American you meet by saying: "Ahh... you mean-euh Joji Bushi..."

You think the messages of the Buddha and Jesus are perfectly
compatible with the statement: "Koreans are a superior race."

No one in your country has AIDS, but "kimchi" (cold cabbage with hot sauce) can cure it.

You laugh at your foreign co-worker's "Broos-euh Willis-euh" shaved
head, while pressing down your comb-over with a hand covered in your own
saliva.

You order pizza and it comes with corn and mayonnaise as well as a
side serve of pickles to put on top.

You think that smoking in a crowded restaurant (with a no smoking
sign) or any other place is perfectly acceptable behavior for men but
woman who smoke in public are clearly prostitutes.

Your students are convinced that music by The Beatles is hard core
rock'n'roll.

You think that the sink in the bathroom/public toilet is for fixing
your hair and appearance and NOT for washing your hands after going to the
toilet.

You have a terrible cold and it doesn't occur to you that coughing
in other people's faces and food will make them sick too.

You honestly believe foreigners care about whose island
takashimi/dokdo is.

You think an ambulance with a siren blazing is just another car.
Therefore, you need not make way. Tow-trucks on the other hand, should be always be given the right-of-way.

You hear the monthly air-raid sirens you are totally unfazed and go
about your business.

You stick a needle in your thumb to relieve indigestion.

You wear an undershirt with a t-shirt.

You own a cell phone with a built-in breathalyzer.

Your main purpose of going to the office everyday is to persuade
your colleague(s) into a night of drinking.

Low cut, v-neck, floral print, pink t-shirt, shiny jeans, and Paris
Hilton-esque sunglasses are perfectly acceptable items for a heterosexual
man to wear for a night on the prowl.

You understand why prior to a given date your building will have heat, and
after a given date there will no longer be heat, regardless of the outside temperature.

You cover your mouth when you laugh or smile but not when you cough
or sneeze.

In the winter (-10 degree weather), you wear short skirts, but in
the summer(+40 weather) you cover all skin with jeans and a sweater
because that's the fashion.

You don't wear deodorant because Koreans don't sweat.