Thursday, November 29, 2007

Vengence!

There are times in Korea where I'm afraid I've turned into that preconceived notion people often hold of what a foreigner is often like -that old, bitter person who can no longer be bothered to learn the local language or deal with local customs, and is more likely to grunt at you than take the time and effort to form any dignified response to questions. Now, I can assure you I'm very much not becoming that kind of person, but there are moments where, when confronted with something about Korea I don't understand or that I've gotten fed up with, I get a little aggressive (though always in good humour, and never in a way that will upset anyone).

Dealing with strangers, for example. Generally people on the street are nice, friendly people; but on a Saturday night when they've had a little soju, I feel I've instantly become a tool for amusement, like an animal in the zoo. Groups of people will shout "Oh look, a foreigner!" then point, and say "Hello! Nice to meet you!" not in an attempt to meet me, but just because it's fun to shout. Before I would laugh, maybe wave and say "hello" back, but now I've come to saying "anyong" back, which is the way you're supposed to greet children in Korea, and not adults. Of course the only real effect this has is that they think I can't speak Korean well, though sometimes people are amazed I can speak any Korean at all.

My kids at school have also been turning me into "that guy", where I'm the teacher who is always going crazy. Now, to be fair I am doing my best to discipline the students properly, but when you can't explain to them the reason they're being kept after class, or why you're disciplining student A instead of student B when both were talking, it makes it tough on everyone. In the end, I'm finding that making students clean the room, write lines, or sit quietly after school does little to keep them well behaved, but it makes me feel a great deal better. So here I am, sitting in a room full of 12 year olds, taking satisfaction in that while I may not be able to get them to study English, it sure feels good to make them miss lunch.

Even the elevator in my building hasn't been able to avoid my wrath of silly behaviour. Our 15-story building has two elevators, which is nice, but they're at opposite ends of the building. Waiting for the elevator sometimes can take forever, and I continually am getting angry with the poor design choices and logistical flaws I see in our apartment building. So of course, I have to teach someone a lesson, so I find myself pushing the elevator button on my floor (the 6th) every time I go by it, regardless of whether I'm taking the stairs. Am I hoping for a complete renovation of the building so that I can have things put just the way I want them? want them? Of course not, but yet there I am, hitting elevator buttons thinking about how much wiser I am and how much better my countries architectural designs are, and if I just keep hitting floor number 6, maybe the whole world will figure that out.

And even as I realize how ridiculous and inane it is to feel this way, I hit the button, and then walk down the stairs, slowing down another persons day just enough for them to think "What is wrong with that foreigner? Doesn't he know that in Korea..."

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Ski School

Winter is creeping up on us here in Korea, and while it's far from the bitter cold and nastiness of the Canadian winter, it isn't without it's hardships. Lack of central heating, or any heating really, makes being at school a challenge every day now. My space heaters have just been set up, so that helps things warm up nicely, but it takes a good hour to get my classroom close to comfortable. Even when I do, the kids come in without closing the door, then open up every window in the room. I still haven't figured out exactly why - sometimes they're calling to their friends, but really I think they just like to complain about being cold.

And cold they are! On the last few days of the mild season, where I'm still in a tee-shirt but thinking about keeping my coat on during school, the kids (and sometimes the teachers) are bundled up like there's a blizzard outside. Gloves, ski jackets, toques, and even snowpants, are all showing up in my classroom, turning my students into a small army of abominable snow-men ready to hit the slopes. The older students usually aren't quite so dressed up, but instead they bring giant bunny slippers and blankets to class, and I'm not sure if they look like they're about to take an afternoon nap.

Just Another Day at the (Doctor's) Office

I came down with a horrible cold the other day, one of those ones that puts you out of commission for three or four days and makes you wish you'd never been born. I suppose it actually wasn't too bad, laying on the coach and reading or playing games all day, but I would've been much happier without it. Anyway, the point here is that it brought me back tot he doctor again. I also managed to get a case of tonsilitis this time, which wasn't in any rush to go away. The doctor I went to, a ears-nose-throat specialist, was another amazing adventure in Korean medical practicality and efficiency. The waiting room was packed when I got there, people were standing it was so full. The wait time? About 5-10 minutes. Each doctor had 1-2 nurses who rotated through the room, meaning there was always a nurse typing up reports and always one on hand to take down information as the doctor dictated it. I was called into the doctor's room while the other patient was just standing up to leave. He didn't speak much English, so we communicated mostly in Korean, but even then, there wasn't much to be said.

Open your mouth.

Tonsilitis. (He points to a diagram to help explain things)

Bam! In with the first spraying tube. Whap! In with the second.

Any muscle pain? Any back ache?

Zap! Another spray in my throat. Blammo! Something gets squirted up my nose.

Take lots of rest, take this medication, come back again if things don't seem right.

Before I'm out the door the next patient is sitting down to be examined.

Of course, with Korean medicine, a problem with anything from tonsils to toe-jam requires a shot in the bum, so I got my injection, was given a antibiotic prescription and sent on my way. The pills are kicking my ass now in a few interesting ways (nothing too serious), but my throat is a hundred times better now. There's something to be said as well for a medical system that can serve you so fast, costs $2-$3 a visit and doesn't rely on indecipherable scribblings from a doctor to determine what kind of possible life-saving medication you might need.

Well, that's all for this week. I'm off to a big elementary school teacher's meeting. Unlike most of the meetings we have, this one could actually give some benefit to me and my teaching skills. No one here ever seems to worry about my teaching skills. I hope at least the doctors in Korea get a little more guidance and review when it comes to doing their job.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

You Know You're Korean When:

This is a list of things that identify you as being Korean. I'm not sure who put it all together, but I trimmed it down and changed a bit to make it more resemble the experience I've had in the past 14 months here.


You know you're Korean When:

You're 12-years old and you don't go home until 10 pm.

You're unmarried at 25 so you have to be home by ten.

You stare like a deer blinded in headlights at anyone different than you.

You attempt to go into the subway or elevator before the people get
out.

If you aren't chewing and slurping your food at a loud volume then
you obviously aren't enjoying it.

You "slightly disregard" traffic rules. Like stopping at crosswalks
or red lights.

You go home and everything smells bad (but not to you).

You think having 4 seasons is really special.

You describe any girl over 110 pounds as "fat."

You drive out of blind alleys at 60 km/h.

You're an "expert" at making ramyen (instant) noodles.

You try the doorknob instead of ringing the doorbell or knocking
first.

You eat more off your friend's plate than your own.

You answer the phone with a loud warbling
Wieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee????????

Your favorite teacher is the one that beats you the hardest.

You think you look quite dignified while drinking
your shooter of 2 cent booze after noisily slurping octopus.

You're comfortable using a small hole in the ground for a toilet, and think hocking a loogie at the same time is a good way to multi-task.

You jump out of the shower at the local gym and stand naked in front
of the mirror blow drying your family jewels.

You grab the communal toothbrush at the gym and take it into the
shower with you.

Even though you weigh 120 you have to try and out bench the 190
pound guy, because he's a foreigner.

You think that your mom's kimchi can cure your grandma's halitosis
and your grandpa's cancer.

Your cell phone has more than 20 pictures stored on it... of
yourself.

There's more toilet paper in your dining room than your bathroom.

You believe that flushing toilet paper down the toilet will clog up
the plumbing, so instead you throw all your used paper in a bin next to the
toilet.

You are no longer bothered by the old Korean lady shoving a
mop between your legs as you stand at the urinal.

You view the handicapped-ramped crosswalks as a perfect place to
park your car into at an angle. Pedestrians and handicapped people be
damned - you need to park.

You hang a plastic glove filled with water in the window because you
believe mosquitoes and flies are scared of their reflection.

You assume all thin blonde women are Russian prostitutes.

You open all of your windows in the middle of winter and crank up
the heat.

You're standing in the shower at the Sauna and offer to scrub a
total stranger's back.

You don't think it's at all weird to share a hot tub butt naked with
a grandfather and his two grandsons.

You open the window a crack when your fan is running, still afraid you might somehow be killed by the fan while you sleep.

You dial a wrong number, and then yell at the person on the other
end of the line for not being the person you were trying to call. You hang up
on them in a huff... and then hit redial.

You do exactly what your boss tells you to do, no matter how stupid
and idiotic.

You would never dream of asking to get paid extra for the overtime you
work.

You feel well rewarded for all your long hours and sacrifice if you get
taken out for BBQ and some Noraebong (karaoke) twice a year.

You sleep under a piece of oversized gauze and call it a sheet.

You put sweet potato on pizza.

You think picking your teeth or nose in public isn't polite... unless
you oh-so discreetly do it with one hand covering up the activity.

You push, claw, and elbow your way to position yourself to be the
first to exit the subway car, and then right after you exit, you walk at a
snail's pace.

You go on a nice beach vacation, where you sit under the beautiful
shade of your huge umbrella fully clothed, wearing a Darth Vader visor,
covered in sun tan lotion, refusing to go near the water.

You eat dog because it supposedly gives your four thrusts instead of
three.

After going to the washroom, you wash your hands for 1 second under
ice cold water and dry them in your hair.

You open up a new business with an arch of balloons and two dancing
girls.

You proudly adorn your new business with a sign that reads:
"SINCE 2005"

You close the business two years later after realizing there were
already ten identical businesses on the same block.

You would rather park on the sidewalk than the huge parking lot a few feet away.

You drive for 5 hours to spend 30 minutes at some over crowded
tourist trap.

You ask the foreigner next to you if he can use chopsticks while he
is comfortably eating with chopsticks.

You deny that Koreans still eat dog, after the foreigner next to you
has just said, "Last night I went out for dog with some Korean friends, it
was better than I thought it would be!"

You think eating eel will give you a hard-on, but eating bean
sprouts will make you lose it. The reasoning behind both is: "the
shape".

You correct the pronunciation of the American you meet by saying: "Ahh... you mean-euh Joji Bushi..."

You think the messages of the Buddha and Jesus are perfectly
compatible with the statement: "Koreans are a superior race."

No one in your country has AIDS, but "kimchi" (cold cabbage with hot sauce) can cure it.

You laugh at your foreign co-worker's "Broos-euh Willis-euh" shaved
head, while pressing down your comb-over with a hand covered in your own
saliva.

You order pizza and it comes with corn and mayonnaise as well as a
side serve of pickles to put on top.

You think that smoking in a crowded restaurant (with a no smoking
sign) or any other place is perfectly acceptable behavior for men but
woman who smoke in public are clearly prostitutes.

Your students are convinced that music by The Beatles is hard core
rock'n'roll.

You think that the sink in the bathroom/public toilet is for fixing
your hair and appearance and NOT for washing your hands after going to the
toilet.

You have a terrible cold and it doesn't occur to you that coughing
in other people's faces and food will make them sick too.

You honestly believe foreigners care about whose island
takashimi/dokdo is.

You think an ambulance with a siren blazing is just another car.
Therefore, you need not make way. Tow-trucks on the other hand, should be always be given the right-of-way.

You hear the monthly air-raid sirens you are totally unfazed and go
about your business.

You stick a needle in your thumb to relieve indigestion.

You wear an undershirt with a t-shirt.

You own a cell phone with a built-in breathalyzer.

Your main purpose of going to the office everyday is to persuade
your colleague(s) into a night of drinking.

Low cut, v-neck, floral print, pink t-shirt, shiny jeans, and Paris
Hilton-esque sunglasses are perfectly acceptable items for a heterosexual
man to wear for a night on the prowl.

You understand why prior to a given date your building will have heat, and
after a given date there will no longer be heat, regardless of the outside temperature.

You cover your mouth when you laugh or smile but not when you cough
or sneeze.

In the winter (-10 degree weather), you wear short skirts, but in
the summer(+40 weather) you cover all skin with jeans and a sweater
because that's the fashion.

You don't wear deodorant because Koreans don't sweat.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Wedding Bells and Flesh Wounds

A friend here in Korea, an English teacher named Emmanuel who has been in Korea for a number of years now, recently got married to a Korean woman. The two met through either a church or a choir group they were part of (or maybe it was a church choir), and in September they had their official ceremony in Canada. The Korean ceremony was held just last weekend, and Shannon and I along with a few other friends from town were able to attend.

It was quite a nice event, and I was surprised at how similar it felt to a western ceremony. This might just be me getting used to Korean events though, so maybe you shouldn't trust me too much in that assessment. What I did notice that made it unique and entertaining was the traditional Korean dancers/musicians who performed at it, as well as the bizarre initiation they made Emmanuel and his new wife go through. The dancers were really spectacular, with lots of drumming and symbol banging. They each had ribbons attached to their hats as well, and they could whip them around in all kinds of neat, hypnotic ways. As for the initiation thing, Emmanuel explained to us that it was designed to deter a man from getting married more than once - taking away a single woman is something Koreans see as a sad thing, so it involved lots of beating of his feet. Maria, his new wife, had to caress or kiss Emmanuel according to where the MC told her to. Being a former nun, things got a little tricky for her once she had to start poking him below the belt, and Emmanuel took a slap on his feet every time she messed up or refused to poke/kiss wherever the MC told her to. It was all in good fun, but I think the guy with the stick took his job more seriously than Emmanuel would have liked.

In other news, Shannon's had an unfortunate ordeal with her dermatologist lately. Cosmetic surgery is quite cheap here in Korea, and the technology is extremely advanced - already Shannon's had an old scar removed for $10, and we've met others who get heaps of work done for things like acne, unwanted tattoos and scarring. Well, Shannon decided to get an old tattoo removed, a small maple leaf on her ankle that never turned our right when she had it done. The doctor she went to is quite reputable, and we assumed it would all go fine. Now, she's got what we believe to be 3rd degree burns on her ankle. We don't know what exactly went wrong, probably the laser was set to high for the procedure, but she's had to go to the doctor every other day to get re-bandaged, have creams put on her ankle, and just to check it to make sure it's okay. It's getting better now, but she's still in quite a lot of pain and it's been more than a month since it went wrong. I'll put some pictures of it up sometime soon, though if you're not big into seeing injuries, you may want to avoid checking this out.

School has been busy this week, as some of the classes that were canceled were now rescheduled. It didn't quite make up for everything I missed, but I've had a few days of working straight through the day with few breaks in between. It's never that bad, working some long days now and then, and really, it's nice to know I haven't been completely forgotten.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

My Sheltered Existence

By living in a small city removed from all the big-city life in Korea, I've limited my exposure to much of what Korea is actually like. Visits to Seoul and Busan have given me a taste of what things are like, but to actually work and live in a big city is a whole different experience. Plenty of friends though have spent time (often years) in the bigger cities, and sometimes what they tell me makes me pretty happy I'm living here in Mokpo and not anywhere else.

Most jobs outside of my province are at private schools, called Hagwons. These hagwon jobs are privately run institutions, with anywhere from several hundred students to less than ten. Owning your own business in Korea is something the people here take huge pride in, and the owners of these hagwons often take extreme measures to make sure things are running the way they want them to run. Take sick days, for example.

For me, when I take a sick day, it's a pretty big deal. I phone my school, they get all worried, want to take me to the doctor, and fret over me the whole day I return to school. This is relatively little stress compared to some people. One coworker here had a fairly serious medical issue that needed attending to, and had a trip to the hospital planned for testing. After explaining this to his teachers, they thought about it and said - "Okay, you should be in for 10:00 then." "No," my friend said, "I'm going to be in the hospital all day today." The teacher thought about it for a while, then said "I will find out if that's OK first."

Another teacher managed to injure herself pretty good, and following her school's orders, got a doctors note to excuse herself from class. After giving it to her school, she said she would be back in a few days, however her school didn't agree - "This note is from today. You will need another note for tomorrow." And so, every day she planned to miss class, she had to get up at 6am, hobble to the doctors (a subway ride away), get a note, give it to school, and make her way home again.

Some schools won't even let you take sick days, despite their inclusion in your contract. I've heard stories of schools phoning doctors offices to make sure the teacher really was sick, threats to punish other teachers at the school if sick days are taken, and one English teacher even had two people from his hagwon come over to his house and walk into his bedroom to get him to come to work.

There are other painful methods of control these private schools may try to use on the English teachers here. Two friends of ours, a couple from Canada, were told they should stop hanging out with their friends around town, as it was a distraction from their work (or they might hear other schools that weren't so bad). Eventually, the English teachers threatened to quit, and so the school said fine, we'll fire all your coworkers as well and hire new staff.

Yep, things here at my small town public school are pretty good compared to other places in Korea. I get paid on time, I haven't been shafted out of any money, and the only real demand they have from me is to play volleyball once a week.

75% of my classes are canceled today and yesterday, so it's another few days of blogging, studying Korean and watching movies. On a complete aside, if you're looking for a good (though 90% depressing) movie, I just finished Children of Men in my spare time here. It's a gloomy, dystopian film, but it's wonderfully made and holds a glimmer of hope throughout it that doesn't make you feel entirely sad. Anyway, it's time to "hangug mal kongbu hae" (study Korea). Till the next blog, take care! Oh, and here's some photos from Halloween too, where plenty of hours building my costume ended with great results.